Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
