Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
