just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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