youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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