mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
