sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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