1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
