I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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