Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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