i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
