Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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