Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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