i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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