the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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