Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
