my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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