16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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