I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
