So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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