Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
