You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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