This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
