I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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