Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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