she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
