He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
