How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
