Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
