i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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