Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
