i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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