1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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