just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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