I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's shark week go big or go home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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