Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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