We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
