I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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