I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
