Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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