I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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