yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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