so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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