like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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