i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
