I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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