watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
