If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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