My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
