like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
