What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
