so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When are your genitals available?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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