she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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