I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
