so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
