we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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