dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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