and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you win again, gameday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
