Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
